Since coming to know him in my early twenties, God has always ‘wowed’ me. Even when I’ve veered from him, and made mistakes leading to difficult consequences, God has always answered my prayers, come to my rescue and blessed me, so much more than I deserve.
I’ve always been aware of God’s faithfulness and provision, but this past year I’ve literally been awestruck, as my greatest life dream has come true. A book that I wrote in my stained pink bathrobe while hiding from my kids at night is about to get published, which to me, is as miraculous as if the Red Sea parted before my eyes.
Ever since falling in love with a creative writing worksheet in second grade, I’ve wanted to write books. I’ve always written for newspapers and web sites, but the thought of being an author has always been such a big hope, I felt silly even admitting it, for years.
The fact that it’s happening now, is still beyond surreal. And every step of the way has been an unbelievable adventure. That fact that after many a rejection I found an incredible agent who landed me a publishing deal with DC Cook, (Francis Chan’s publisher, people!!) agreeing to pay money for the details of wayward mothering, still amazes me. How is this happening?! Oh yeah. All God.
When I look back on my life, I see so much of God’s hand, and blessing, even when I wasn’t aware of it, and even when I wasn’t a Christian. He’s provided for my mom and sisters after losing my dad at a young age and protected me from so much that could’ve occurred in my younger, wilder years. He didn’t remove consequences of bad decisions, even after I got saved, but he’s been with me, guiding me, giving me peace and teaching me to gain my strength and joy from him, not outside circumstances along the way. He’s always come through with more than I’ve asked, when I least expected. Always.
But when I got a call from my agent with an offer for my book, last year, I have to say I was so floored I nearly cried my way to heaven.
It might seem dramatic to some-after all, thousands of books get published each year, and this isn’t exactly the great American novel. I write about burnt dino nuggets and play date fails, for goodness sake. Who knows if it’ll even make money. Doesn’t matter. It’s my one dream, and God made it happen. He made it happen after years of wondering if my hopes were just naïve pipe dreams I was pathetically clinging to in order to feel better about my life. Even after hitting 30 and thinking for sure I’d have written a book by now…what if it’s too late? Even when I wondered, who’s gonna read a book by me? I still can’t work my Dirt Devil and I literally forgot a child at my sister’s house last week. But then I remember hearing a voice clearly not my own saying, “I believe in you.”
I’ve had a hundred different reasons to doubt. I wrote half this book in a twin bed, in my old high school bedroom after moving in with my mother during a marriage separation and the last half going through a divorce. I felt like a total failure and loser at times, and around every turn came that voice, “why are you even wasting your time, look at your life-it’s a mess!”
Exactly the point. I can sit here and honestly say any success I experience, comes from God. I did nothing on my own strength-just And somewhere between half-written chapters like “Thongs and Barney Songs,” my faith grew and I never gave up, because of him. We might give up on ourselves, feel inadequate or fearful, but he’ll never let us down, because he’s the one who planted the abilities, desires and dreams within our spirits to begin with. We just have to realize that God wants us to succeed even more than we do.
Going through this book process has taught me to never, be swayed by current circumstances or limit ourselves by losing hope, and always believe in God’s faithfulness. God’s working and planning for our good, even when we don’t see or feel it. Even when we think we’ve screwed it up, strayed from the “right” path, or think it’s simply too late. Nothing can stop God’s plan.
So as excited and amazed as I feel to see “Hiding from the Kids in My Prayer Closet” go live on Amazon (Seriously, how is this happening) the real miracle I celebrate daily is God’s amazing, overwhelming, never ending goodness. If he can turn my rants about the ills of Cub Scouts into a book, he can do anything. Am I a little nervous to share my clear issues with the world? Gotta say yes. But I’m so incredibly excited, and so humbled and appreciative of all the family and friends who’ve loved me along this journey. Thank you so much, Mom, sisters and friends, for never batting an eye when I run out of gas on the way over, and for pretending not to notice when the kids’ shirts are on backwards.
And thank you God, for blessing me so much more, than I deserve.