My journey through singleness has been a wild, bumpy ride. Like a domestic version of “Fantastic Journey,” except less fantastic, and more journey. I have made so many mistakes and mishaps in the arena of love, that at times I was a reliable source of entertainment for married friends or those without cable. It’s not that I’ve chosen terrible men folk, or went off the deep end (okay Christian Mingle gave me night terrors) but I’ve just always wound up with the wrong fit…or remained in relationships I knew were out of God’s will, as if it would somehow end up in rainbows and butterflies.
So after another severed relationship last year, I found myself once again having a heart to heart with the Lord, wondering if I’d ever get it right. Despite his constant faithfulness and provision through every season of life, I began doubting him, and questioning whether the relationship I’d been imagining just wasn’t my fate….a sad and foreign concept for me, since I’m the most idealist, fairytale-fed romantic out there. I’m probably the last adult who uses the word ‘soulmate’ as if it’s a universally accepted truth, and I might secretly believe in unicorns. But alas. Maybe my wide-eyed little girl dream of falling in authentic, intoxicating, lasting love with a Godly man, even after divorce, with three kids in tote (get in line, fellas!) was just plain pushing it.
And that’s when God brought Rob. He might take longer than my impetuous heart demands, but when the Lord answers major prayers in my life, there’s always been a ‘wow’ factor. I’ve broken off engagements, sinned through past relationships, and wasted years of energy on wrongful pursuits instead of investing more time in my kids, my ministry, my job, etc.…but our wounds and failures never hinder God’s grace. Because at the core, he’s one hundred percent faithful. I just married a man who’s strength, humility, generosity of spirit, enormity of heart, and borderline manic zest for life are only a few attributes that have amazed me since the day he rocketed into my world. Plus he not only tolerates, but supports my caffeine addiction. There’s a difference.
Most girls are psyched on her wedding day, but when I walked down the aisle this past New Year’s Eve, I felt like I was moving towards so much more than a new life with my favorite human. I was walking into the reality of all my weary heart’s answered prayers, and away from any fear or mistrust in God’s amazing love. He fought for my happiness when I had been subconsciously settling for less. He did everything except audibly shout… “I have a man just around the corner, with a heart for others and a mutual weakness for late 90’s hip hop! Hold the line, woman!”
It’s always easiest to start a new year with fresh goals and perspectives, but no matter when or where you are on life’s journey, it’s never too late to start believing and aligning ourselves with the truth that every day is a chance to have more faith in God’s perfectly timed plan for our lives. No matter how much we’ve struggled, failed, or gone off course. He’s capable of re-writing our narratives, but we have to let Him.
It’s easy to lose heart, but we should never settle for anything less than fullness and unconditional love from a person who supports and treasures all of us. The fabulous, the broken and the messy parts. To solidify this point, my husband thinks my laugh is ‘endearing,’ though it assuredly sounds no sweeter than a drunk hyena. God does have a “best” person for us… not measured by the heftiest bank account, or social status, or on-paper creds, but the absolute best fit for our uniquely made souls. Not because we deserve it. But because God wants it. Because he’s so good. Even when the wait seems eternal. Since the day I’ve been with Rob, I’ve thanked God for not letting go of my dreams, even when I did. Cheers to wild journeys, and new beginnings. I’m so grateful for the waiting. I’m so grateful for the wow.