My Epic Back-to-School Manifesto

Ahhhh, back to school. The only three letter phrase delivering more dread to my soul might be “Beach is closed.” As much I love summer, the sadness I feel bidding adieu to strappy sandals and the blessed shore has more to do with the fact that soon I’ll be running through the house at 7 a.m. like a rabid cheetah, violating every motor vehicle law speeding the kids to school after forgetting their water bottles and nearly choking on pancake parts. Seriously. For less organized, frazzled mothers like myself, it’s all out madness.

I fully realize it doesn’t have to be this way. Thanks to the pain of social media, I see the parents out there managing to send their children off with French braided hair and consistently matching socks. These are the same parents Instagramming their first day of school experiences with chalk board art indicating the grades each offspring is entering and what they aspire to be when they’re older. I just have to know, what time are these children waking up in the morning? I literally have to piggyback my nine year-old down from his top bunk like an underpaid sherpa, and practically water board them awake just in time to eat an Eggo and look non-homeless in 20 minutes. Read more...

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