Single/divorced motherhood is tough no matter the season. But something about the summer brings a special kind of crazy. Between juggling rides for kids, worrying about childcare and the ever-present urge to have endless fun in the sun…it’s a lot.
Summer is great, in theory. I mean what women doesn’t love a good sundress and the ability to drive barefoot? But for many single moms there’s an unspoken pressure to give the kids the best summer of their lives, every year, especially when feeling guilty for not being able to “do” as much for her children compared to nuclear families. We don’t want our kids to be the only one telling the class listing “grandma’s house” as their best summer memory activity this Fall. It sure would be nice to send our kids to best camp, set sail for an unforgettable vacation and perfect our dives in the pool all summer…but in reality, the only sparkly body of water outside is a mildew-lined kiddie pool even the dog avoids and thought of spending hundreds on a week-long camp sends shivers down the spine.
However, I’ve found with the right perspective, a little scrappiness, single/divorced moms can absolutely have an epic summer with their kids every year. Here’s are some helpful tips:
Summertime Tip #1 Take A Vacation (Unfortunately, Camping Counts)
Before expounding, I do realize that traveling alone with young children is not really a vacation…it’s a family trip. Oh, the stark difference. When you’re the one with a fully developed brain responsible for transporting, feeding, planning, and keeping an eye on little moving bodies all day, vacationing can definitely feel like more work than play. Best advice? Do it anyway.
I honestly believe part of my soul has yet to recover from camping alone with my three boys years ago, post-divorce, and there was one Disney trip that commenced with me ugly crying in the bathtub after losing the rental keys and nearly dying from heat stroke.
Honestly, it’s a sacrifice, but going on vacation with your kids, at least once a year, is so worth the memories and priceless quality time we rarely ever get. For those on a tight budget (and aren’t we all?) there are lots of affordable alternatives to taking more involved trips, like camping (I know…but it’s cheap) splitting an Airbnb with family, or even taking a “staycation,” visiting nearby attractions. There’ll always be legit valid excuses for skipping vacation this summer, but if you’re a single mom, you deserve this time… and so do your kids. Getting away for any solid chunk of time allows us to place an extended pause on the merciless chaos of our every waking day, and just simply enjoy the kids while they’re young. Our bank accounts will be full again, some day. Our homes won’t always be.
Summertime Tip #2 Get Creative With Childcare. And Say Yes to Help
School break is such a bittersweet time for the single mom. We want to embrace not having to rush our kids out the door every morning after pillaging drawers for matching socks, but now they’re home, begging for juice and assaulting each other over control of the Xbox remote while we’re juggling calls. Finding childcare when working out of the home or finding ways to keep your kids busy when working remote, are true thorns in every single working mother’s side. It’ll never be easy, but I’ve gained two treasures of wisdom through the years: Get creative. And accept help.
If you’re struggling to find summer activities for your kids, lots of town recreation departments offer week-long, day camps that are much more affordable than other camps. Lots of churches also offer free, daytime Vacation Bible Adventure programs (my kids have done three a summer!) Consider swapping childcare duties with another mom who either works different hours, or even bartering a service in exchange for babysitting help. It may also be helpful to “hire” older siblings or trusted teens in the family to keep watch over the littles, rather than traditional daycare. If working remote or hybrid in this post-Covid work culture, another possible hack would be gaining approval to work flexible blocks of time, starting the day two hours earlier, or working two extra hours after the kids go down, for example, to free up time during those peak daytime hours. And perhaps most importantly, if any trusted human (I’ve said yes to the ex-mother-in-law) offers to watch the kids or even take them for a few hours on a Tuesday, for the love say yes. Summer is not the time for pride, ladies…
Summertime Tip #3: Summer is Better, With Friends
Aside from Jesus’ help, I’m not sure I would’ve survived any season, summer or otherwise if it weren’t for other mom friends. Taking the kids on outings to like amusement parks, the zoo, carnivals, and even simpler activities like the drive-in movies or the town pool can be so much less stressful, and so much more fun in a pack. Aside from the comfort of having another adult to lean on, “summering” with other mom friends or even families can be so much more fun, as long as all the kids are genuinely comfortable with each other. It’s also important to take some time for ourselves this summer, even if it means arranging yet another round of childcare. Single/divorced mom guilt can especially flare up when doing something fun or out of the ordinary, just for ourselves but no one wants a martyr mommy. When we’re tired, exhausted, or lacking personal fulfillment, we’re much less present, joyful, and patient with our kids. Consider a weekend away with the girls, or a few nice dinners out with friends after a good pedi. A refreshed and happy mama makes everything better.
Summertime Tip #4: Slow Down and Smell the Bug Spray
As we all know, the only negative aspect to summer is that it goes by too fast. Between work and vacations, picnics and parties, it’s easy to let our summer fun list slip through the cracks. I love making summer bucket lists with the kids every year…even including the simple things like “make smores around the fire,” and “swim in a river,” and “hunt fireflies.” a loving warning to my type A mamas barely pausing for breath before rushing off to the next task on her list: Summer is a time to savor. I’ve never witnessed anyone savoring good wine or forkful of cheesecake in a hurry. Summer is a time to sit outside with the kids, listening to the crickets and counting stars in the moonlight before Fall arrives to usher us inside, cocooned in blankets ‘til Spring. Summer is one of the few magical times left in this hurried life, so allow yourself to slow down and soak up the muggy goodness. We’ll be chasin’ down the bus and searching for lost homework before you know it.
Summertime Tip #5 Don’t Forget Your Quiet Time
There’s no better piece of advice for any season of single mom life, then to make sure to you have lots of quiet time with the Lord through Summer. I’ve found that amidst all the travel and kid-chaos at home, my Bible and prayer time tends to back seat during the Summer months. God of course never wants us to view alone time with Him as a duty, or a box to be quickly checked before heading to the beach, but He also knows we’ll never have the fullest amount of joy and peace if we’re not grounded in Him, daily. Summer may be the best of times, but the life demands of the single mom also never stop, so we need to remember to care for our souls, above all else, to stay strong, and grounded. With a tan, if possible. Happy Summer! xo
