Lately I’ve become acutely aware that I rarely, if ever spend time praying over the greatest needs of my life or the things I most desire, deep down.

Think of the top three greatest stressors/problems in your life right now. Not the circumstantial, fluid problems that come and go, but the issues / problems that are almost too painful to pray about, or have been going on for so long now, you’ve accepted defeat. The state of your sex life. Being able to peacefully co-parent with your ex when it’s been hellish for years. Breaking the bondage of a secret addiction that’s been stealing your joy for decades.

When was the last time you prayed about whatever issues just came to mind?

I have lots of theories on why we don’t pray about the deep, painful matters in our lives and the first starts with the enemy of our souls. The easiest way to keep us from peace and abundance is by hindering our prayer lives.

For example, if there’s an aspect of your marriage that’s been a cruel disappointment for years, it’s almost easier to accept state of reality than to keep hoping for better. If you’ve been battling a sin for what seems like forever, it’s tempting to just accept your proclivity as a thorn in your side instead of contenting for breakthrough. If your childhood best friend has been an atheist since you’ve known her, it’s tempting to let her slide off your prayer list, out of blunt frustration.

Another reason I believe we stop praying for what matters most is guilt. It’s hard praying for a better relationship with your teenager, when you keep losing your temper like a perimenopausal lunatic. It’s difficult praying for a better co-parenting relationship with the ex, when you’re still as bitter as a stale grape. And it’s SO hard praying “to do better today,” after falling back into that bad/harmful habit the night before. But that’s when it’s most important to pray…when we’re feeling weak, and convicted and really needing a solid dose of Jesus.

I also believe we don’t pray for what we really need because we don’t feel we deserve it. For years I suffered from pervasive, torturous flashbacks of things I’ve done “wrong” concerning my kids. It was awful, and honestly, it still happens every once and a while. But it’s better, because I’m finally praying after suffering for years without asking God to help. I didn’t ask, because I didn’t feel I deserved it. I hadn’t forgiven myself for all the ways I’d prioritized my own selfish needs before my kids after my divorce, and it was killing me.

Don’t stop praying when it feels uncomfortable, when you feel ashamed, or when it’s it fees nearly pointless after praying for breakthrough for a decade. You might be the only person praying over that situation or that person, and according to Psalm 145:18, the Lord hears all who call on Him. There’s no problem he can’t handle, and no pain point He can’t heal.

Which leads to my next point and it’s probably the hardest. Praying for ourselves. As moms, sometimes it’s ALL we can do to worry and pray for others. We pray blood sweat and tears over the lives of our parents, our siblings, our kids, our friends, etc. but when is the last time you prayed for yourself? I’m not talking about situational prayers, like getting that promotion or being more present with your kids. But for your heart. Your emotional healing. Or even a closer walk with the Lord.

It took me months…maybe even a year to start praying for a softer heart after noticing I was a little too ragey in traffic (a’ight a lot). And a little too ambivalent to the needs of others. A little too quick to place judgement towards co-workers. It took way longer than it should have for me to repent for becoming callous and haughty, and ask God to soften my heart.

It can be really hard, and really humbling to pray over the state of your own spirit, right? If you’re always jealous or envious of other women, or you notice yourself drinking too much wine too often, it can be hella hard to pray away a tendency, habit or crutch we’ve been clinging to, or ashamed about But we’ll never be free if we don’t.

So I’m here to say, pray anyway. Pray through gritted teeth. Pray despite yourself. Some of my greatest breakthroughs have happened because I prayed despite my own guilt, resistance and persistence despite feeling “meh.”

If this is speaking to you right now, try making a list of all the things that really bother you, right now, in this moment in time. It could be idols you’ve been building in your life.  It could be the most painful points of intimacy in your marriage that make your blood boil or trauma wounds flare just thinking about it. And then commit to praying over those things.

Breakthrough, healing, and change start when we lay our desires and hurts at the feet of Jesus.  Pray until the breakthrough happens and the answers appears They always will.  Xo

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