I hate winter. Hate everything about it. Hate the cold, hate the dark, and really hate watching my tan fade through the months like a rotting melon.  

But I will say, this year, after army crawling out of a very hard season, I think I need a little winter.

To me, winter represents stillness. I live in Connecticut, so it’s pitch back by 5 pm, and devoid of any natural signs of life for four months straight. Chilling to the soul, I know, but this year I’m embracing my Psalm 46:10 hibernation season.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” Whenever I’d hear or read this verse in the past, I envisioned a picture of someone white-knuckling through the chaos, determined to be still in the midst of disaster or stress. But in reality, being sedate isn’t the same as being still.

The phrase ‘be still” in the Bible is actually derived from the Hebrew word “rapha,” which means “to be weak, to let go, and to release.” Essentially, it means to surrender. To stop striving. To literally sit in the sober silence of sadness, and anxiety, learning to trust and have faith that God is still in control.

I don’t think this is easy for anyone, but for the Gen X/elder millennial souls who never learned to acknowledge and work through their emotions, sitting still in the middle of pain or tension feels about as natural as eating glass. 

When going through extremely hard things, it can be very tempting to lean towards false, even damaging substitutes for God. It’s so much easier numb ourselves with food, alcohol, entertainment, social media, or any other brand of escapism instead of being still, and letting God take over. It hasn’t been easy or pretty, but I’ve been applying this concept for a couple years now, and I wish I had learned sooner.

When going through periods of stress in the past I was always the girl picking up the phone to call a friend for the third time that day, or running five miles with music blasting, doing everything and anything possible to avoid the pain. I’d “be still” for a few minutes of prayer and Bible time in the morning…and then blaze out of control like an emotional rocket until the sun went down.

It’s only when we’re able to actually take refuge in God, actively bringing Him our pain, disappointments, anger, etc. that we can experience the treasure found in the second half of this verse: “to know that I am God.”

Throughout scripture, whenever God says “I am,” it represents a statement of immediate presence. It’s a declaration that His existence is not dependent on anyone or anything else. So, when we really block out the external happenings in our lives, including all the fears, and negative emotions, and center ours spirits on this truth…that God is in control and present in whatever hard moment (or season) we’re going through, something supernatural happens. We’re able to transcend our emotions and just bask in his goodness.

And friends, we might have to do this for a while…like, a winter. And it comes in all forms. Being still with God can look like long walks with no air buds. or lighting a candle before bed at night, crying while being comforted by the Holy Spirit. Or in my case, befuddling neighbors by sitting in your hot tub for borderline unhealthy amounts of time (the key is low temp!), just staring at snowfall.

Sometimes we just need time for wobbly legs to learn how to walk again, and heart how to beat again. We need time to regulate our nervous systems, and recover from living in a constant state of fight or flight. Just know that being still is a journey. It takes time, the Word (Psalms all day every day) worship, and lots of friends and family time. It takes bubble baths, feel good movies, nature, vitamin D and in my opinion a solid manicure schedule (self-care, people!) Our souls may be weak, but God is the ultimate healer.

There’s no guarantee how long it will last but after learning to be still long enough, you WILL be yourself again. Actually, you’ll be a better version of yourself. You’ll be a stronger, more confident, more grounded you. You’ll have learned the power found in ministering to yourself, and the utterly irreplaceable art of relying on God. I’m almost excited for winter. (but 77 days ’til Spring : ) ).  xo

For more on being still, check out my post, “The Profound Refuge of God’s Refuge for Women.”

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