Whether consciously or subconsciously, I believe so many of us tend to put aside our personal dreams and passions, after having kids. Whether it’s an artistic pursuit, a side hustle or an entrepreneurial venture, we reassure ourselves we’ll get started when the kids are a little older, and find ourselves in the same place, five, ten or even twenty years later.
It’s understandable, to a degree. No one can comprehend the amount of time and energy having kids takes, especially when you’re a working mom or single/divorced mom. It really is incredible how many flaming balls of fire we keep in the air over the course of twenty-four hours. Throw in a herculean attempt to stay in shape and/or get some therapy along the way, and you’re practically a walking miracle.
Still. I do believe there’s a way to pursue our dreams and passions, even during the thick of motherhood. We’ve all known that one friend, or follow that rock star mom on Insta, waking up at 5 am, fueled by The School of Greatness podcast and Columbian brew, managing to pound out a few hours of work before her day starts. Or that mom managing a six figure Etsy biz from home with two toddlers a foot, sill managing to wash her hair daily and stay sane (to the eye).
Bless those productive unicorns for existing. But I know a whole heck of a lot more mom friends IRL, working their nine-two-fives, shuttling the kids to soccer after scratching out meal, still dreaming for a solid decade about having time to take that online master’s degree, or start an intercessory prayer ministry at church, or train for a marathon. It just. Doesn’t. Get. Done.
Obviously, there are only so many hours in a day and days in a year, but I still feel there’s an imbalance between what we’re doing, and what we wish could do. I get that motherhood is synonymous with sacrifice, but I there’s a difference between comprise and martyrdom. Every aspect of our lives should not take a perpetual backseat once that egg gets fertilized. And I’m not sure that’s what God wants, either.
I’m not the most glorious example of dream-chasing through motherhood, but I have somehow managed to become an author (just signed with an agent for my second book…finally…and YAY!) and for years, running a prison ministry while working full-time with three kids. I believe the number one key to any success I’ve had, besides God’s strength, is perspective.
When it comes to work/life/”play” balance, it’s all a head game. If you really have a dream you’re committed to pursuing, it, there is a way forward. Even if time, money and support is a challenge, there is a way. But when it comes to dream-chasing, ya gotta be all-in. If you’re doubtful, or hesitant or even a little half-hearted, it’ll be that much harder to stay committed or keep going when things get hard. Women can easily be discouraged or plagued by guilt when going after a personal goal or ambition, but don’t give in those attacking thoughts.
Personal passions and pursuits are not selfish, because your dreams are from the Lord. God imparted the giftings and talents and implanted the desires in your heart to begin with. Whether that’s an amazing ability to account for numbers/finances, or the gift of public speaking, or graphic design illustration, or the desire help people through a nonprofit…the list is endless, but the source is singular.
If you’re unsure whether to start pursuing (or re-pursuing) a dream you’ve held in your heart for what seems like forever, spend a few days/weeks in prayer, asking the Holy Spirit for clarity and guidance on whether this is the time to start moving. I’ve been truly amazed over the years, how clearly God speaks, when I sincerely lay down my desires at his feet.
Another way to get over any guilt or hesitancy about whether to pursue your dream is to think of your kids. Don’t we want our sons and daughters to explore all their passions and fulfill their God-given dreams to the extent they’re able someday…whether or not they have kids? Of course we do.
So where to begin, once feeling good about going after that goal or dream? I’m going to try my best to avoid sounding generic here, but once you decide to get in the game, the only thing to worry about is staying in it. If you’re going to start training for a marathon, or start a business, or create a website to generate ad dollars, decide how much time you can realistically allot to your goal each day/week, and then do your best to stick to it. Of course there are tons of factors involved in success, but I’ve found the two most important are first prayer, and second, perseverance.
Little side note here…I push back on the trending hustle culture mentality. You know, the ubiquitous content telling us if you’re trying to body build, do 105 lifts when your competitor does 100. Wake up at 4:40 if the other guy wakes up at 5, etc. Work harder, longer and more sacrificially no matter the cost. I’ve drank this Kool Aid in the past, and this approach has felt out of balance for me, leaving little room for inspiration and creativity.
Everyone’s lives are nuanced. You may not be able to wake up at 5 a.m. because you work the night shift. You might not be able to take a full semester of classes online because you just had a baby. You might only be able to reasonably invest 5 K this year because you’d rather not sacrifice family vacations. And that’s okay. If God has implanted a dream in your heart, you’ll get there if you put the effort in, and don’t give up.
Consider what chunks of time may exist in your schedule that can be dedicated to pursuing your goal. If you’re married, talk to your spouse and ask for support. Maybe once a week, dad takes the kids out, giving you three hours of hustle/creative time. If you’re a single mom, try swapping babysitting time a few hours a week or asking your family for help with the kids. Divorced moms, maybe spend time on your goal/project when the kids are at dads, even when it’s oh-so-tempting to bang out all the chores and to-do’s we can’t get done when we have them.
There’s always a way forward, even if it takes longer than you’d like, or the path feels different than you expect. Don’t let the external demands and distractions of life devour your dreams. Don’t fall into the lie that motherhood is your sole calling. God will give you every ounce of strength, inspiration, and direction when moving towards the path he’s set forth. Happy dreaming. Xo
